This paper has been sent to you for good luck. The original is under the linoleum of a mobile home in Alabama. It has been around the world nine times. [Dear Reader: please help keep this count current. If this letter falls into your hands after just completing one more circuit of the world, please add one to the count.] The luck has now been sent to you. You will receive good luck within four days of receiving this letter, provided you send it on! Since the copy must tour the world, you must make twenty copies and send them to others. This is no joke. Send no money. Send copies to people who need good luck within 96 hours.
After he passed on this letter, a Montana Spinach Control Officer received $0.25 too much in change at a Circle K. John Elliot found a box of brake shoes that had fallen off a truck, but, because he broke the chain, was accused of stealing it by the police. When they searched his home, they found bizarre sexual devices which they showed to his neighbors. In a suburb of Paris, Don Loray split his trousers, 51 days after failing to circulate the letter. However, before this happened, he found 70 centimes in the seat cushions of his Renault 2-CV. (was this the consolation prize?)
Do note the following: Hebert Pudstrom received the chain in 1953. He asked his secretary to make twenty copies and send them out. A few days later he encountered nothing but green lights on his way to work. General George Patton, who sent the letter on, saw what he thought was a quarter in the street. Actually, it was a 1909 S VDB walking liberty half dime worth $19,000! His aide, Colonel Roger Bumswiver, who did not pass on the letter, tried to pick up a similar object which turned out to be a gob of spit from an unshaven merchant seaman. Heywood Daddit, an unemployed chicken choker, received the letter and forgot that it had to leave his hands within 96 hours. His wife then went bowling and never returned. Later, after finding the letter again, he mailed twenty copies. A few days later he got a better wife and won a state Chess Championship, despite the fact that he had never played chess before! Alan Fairchild received the letter and, not believing, threw the letter away. Nine days later he spilled tea on his cravat.
In 1987 the letter received by a young woman in Texas was faded and barely readable, so she did not realize that this paragraph applied to her. She promised herself she would retype the letter and send it on, but she put it aside to do later. She was plagued with problems including steatopygia and waterbrash. The letter did not leave her hands in 96 hours. She finally typed the letter and got a Hottentot apron!
O Holy St. Jude, apostle and martyr, great in virtue and rich in miracles, kinsman of Jesus H. Christ and St. Genet, Our Lady of the Flowers, faithful intercursor of all who invoke your special umbrage in time of need, to you I have recourse from the depth of my victuals and humbly beg to whom God Yahweh the Demiurge by dint of Eternal Slack has given such moot power to come to my aid. Help me in my unctuous and volatile petition. In return, I promise to ululate your name to Heaven and cause you to be invoked with hecatombs of kine. O Jude, do not be afraid. Remember to let her into your heart. Then you can start to make it better. Kyrie Eleison kai Brekekekex Koax Koax. Om Mani Padme Hum. Sic transit gloria mundi et in hoc signo vinces. AMEN.
Say three Our Fathers, three Hail Marys, and a sincere Pledge of Allegiance. Publication (passing of this novena) must be promised. St. Jude and St. Priapus, pray for us and all who invoke your aid. This novena has never been known to fail.
Copyright © 1997 - 1998 Bob Rusbasan. All rights reserved.